OVER.

Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

ALL I DID.

man. all i did for these past two days is to watch these three people in Devil Beside You and Why Why Love. There is even a time when I'm watching both. It's really comic with its own dramatic twists. I prefer Devil Beside You better :D

Both of the guys have chemistry with the girl which makes the choice harder. haha!!

They have two dramas together.

AND I WANT ELLA CHEN AND WU CHUN TO HAVE ANOTHER DRAMA TOO!!!

Ariel Lin and Joe Cheng have three dramas together.

I WON'T BE ASKING FOR HANA KIMI 2.

i just want ella and wu chun together :D

utak naman PO!

okay. ang tawag dito. blog. this is a place where someone is free to express his or her feelings. itong blog na to under my name... ibig sabihin, may karapatan akong magkwento ng kwentong nais kong ikwento.

kasi that's how blog works.

you know what i really hate in a person? well, there's a lot of things i really hate but one of them is when you let people see na pinagkakaisahan ka, inaapi ka well in fact... HINDI NAMAN TALAGA! oh c'mon. lahat naman ng mga taong under sa situation mo nakakaranas ng ganyan!!!! so gusto mo special treatment sayo?

i believe my batch president had been flexible already--true enough as my former governor has said, she has compromised already---more than on what she should have.

and if it is your plan to drive the president,whom our batch had elected, insane... carry on. WE will just be behind her back and as well as the batch that elected her in that position.

and if REVENGE is what you speak... EXCUSE ME LANG! kung tutuusin naman wala naman kaming ginagawa sa inyo. too much of you to speak of revenge when all we've ever asked is

A JUST AND FREE SOCIETY.

This is a blog. this is MY blog. All thoughts that run in my mind---i put it in here. and you're always free to read and react.

As far as i see. There's nothing wrong on what you see as wrong ----JUST AN OPINION.

This is My blog.
This is what i feel.

:)

LOVE OR BREAD.

JOE wrote a letter to ARIEL during her birthday and he said something about working already in three dramas and i was wondering what the third one was. and i found it!

LOVE OR BREAD. A series where Ariel Lin was supposed to be the lead girl role but cannot make it because she had to do another drama so it was given to Barbie but had to back out because of schedule conflicts so the series was given back to Ariel because the drama she's supposed to make had been cancelled. so once again... ARJOE!

wooo! i love them and the series is really different even if i am currently just watching the half of the first episode.

their acting here is really different from the kiss series so it's a must watch because you will really ROLL because of laughter. :D

MORNING RIDE.

as usual it was raining. i went to school to have meeting with the SC's Executive Secretary and her Operations chairperson.
I dragged myself to go there because it was really raining and it was cold.
Since i'm the ever "i-can't-let-you-down" girl, i still pushed for the plan. How lucky was I to be still able to get the front passenger seat even if it was freezing cold.

i had a ride with these bunch of nursing students and they were talking about their lives and other peoples lives. It's really amazing when you're with a company of friends...you totally forget the existence of the world outside your circle.

they were really talking loud because there were five of them and three had to sit in the middle and the other two at the back.

Their chat was a usual girl chat. BOYS and the lives of the PRETTY MEAN GIRLS who get the hot guys!

They said that they didn't like that their duty had to be in Lawton. They said it was far. We were in Baclaran when one of the girls said, "bakit parang ang layo naman ng nilalakbay natin?" it was loud enough for me to hear. i swear. :)

I said to myself, not loudly of course, "hindi naman malayo ah.". But maybe just because i got used to it.

Later on we were already in Vito Cruz and I am just about to get off the FX when one of the girls said.."Ay, malapit na yata tayo...alam ko na to.. alam ko na to.."

No hija, malayo ka pa!! sa ulan na yan at sa traffic. MALAYO ka pa.

so once i was off the vehicle i murmured to myself..

ALAM MO NGA KUNG SAAN KA PUPUNTA PERO ANG MAHIRAP DUN, HINDI MO ALAM KUNG PAANO KA MAKAKARATING DUN.....AT HINDI MO ALAM KUNG KAILAN.

*you know where you're going but the hard thing is, you don't know how to get there....and you don't know when (you will get there.)*

so that was the lesson i have learned this day. crappy but useful somehow.

i kind of relate to it.

SKINWHITE.

i was looking for Pond's new 10-peso product but i couldn't find it so i just decided to try skin white's product since i only have 20 bucks in my wallet and i feel that i need to buy something.

so i tested the product right after i took a shower because of too much heat! and it's good. its promise of non sticky residue is true! it turns to powder too! i bought the light beige. it's a nice base for make up and i hope that i could be whiter in 7 days!!

hmmm. i can't wait. :D

GO FIGHT FOR IT!

i haven't been listening to the radio for the past weeks because i always arrive home either past nine or past ten in the evening so i really don't have time to catch up with the boys over at Magic.

I had the chance to listen to the radio yesterday and I really loved Elliot Yamin's Fight for Love. I love its lyrics! it is so meaningful, just like his so "One Word" which i really loved too.

I'm ecstatic
I feel the magic
It's everlasting
I think that you were meant to be alive on this very night
With me
I see, it clearly
The dream you hear about
and never truly think its realistic till it blows your mind
I never thought i could understand
I was searching me
and now i finally see

[chorus]
I see that some people fight for love
They stick with it
Just can't quit it
Some people hide from love
they run from it, cause they don't want it
When you got a love and its good like it should be
Makes you never wanna give it up
cause you know that some people fight for love
And I believe it's true cause I'd do the same for you

You're the reason, the air I'm breathing
so don't go leaving
cause loving you is the only thing that ever really touched my soul
I'm protective, of my blessings
Glad I kept it
I never really thought about the future till i saw my life
Finding it's purpose
so very worth it
And now I know that love is really worth it


And that's why,Some people fight for love
They stick with it
Just can't quit it
Some people hide from love
They run from it, cause they don't want it
When you got a love and it's good like it should be
Makes you never wanna give it up
Cause you know that some people die for love
And I believe it's true cause I'd do the same for you

It's hard to be, and good to keep
And once you're with it, it's hard to leave
You can't help but run wild with imagination
It'll change you life from wrong or right
And then you'll touch, touch the sky,
And now I don't see how I made it through the night

But I see how there's some people who fight
Some people fight for love
They stick with it
just can't quit it
Some people hide from love
They run from it, cause they don't want it
When you got a love and it's good like it should be
Makes you never wanna give it up
Cause you know that some people die for love
And I believe it's true cause I'd do the same for you

Some people fight for love,
(I don't wanna do it no more)
Some people hide from love,
(It just feels so good)
But when you got a love and it's good like it should be
Makes you never wanna give it up
Cause you know that
Some people fight for love

MARTYR.

CHEN XIN YI.

i have been watching Fated To Love You over at Mysoju.com and i'm quite hooked to it. There's nothing i could say to this girl because she is so kind. She may be weak in the eyes of others but letting go of someone you truly love is really hard.

After entering the wrong room one drunken night at a cruise ship, something happened between Xin Yi and a stranger. That night made their lives change 360.

I admire her character because she's willing to give anything even if it will hurt her. She warns the person when she's about to fall and let go if he chooses to. I cried when her baby died! She's optimistic about things and always think of herself last.

hmmm...
sometimes, you should always leave something for yourself.

*i'm sorry i can't think straight. i'll edit this if i have decided.

WHAT A CRAZY WORLD I LIVE IN.

it's stunning and frustrating on how twist of fate plays you on.

i was there. ready to move on from a relationship that was only close enough to be created. it was frustrating. i wouldn't say it was painful but i did missed him. he totally vanished once he realized that i had no meaning in his life. that she was more important.--i was never close to the word "important" anyway.

i found an arena to channel my thoughts . so there's this place i feel belonged at times and i feel to dumb to be there often. i never knew that i could find another frustration.

there are patterns on how a guy catches my eye...then my heart. it always starts with constant exchange of glances. and i always meet his eyes. the problem is... i think he's taken and i think he's too smart or too perfect to be reached. i just wanted to raise my freaking hand to wave at him and say hello but all i can do was look... at him as if i don't know him. and i think that goes for him too.

it's weird. when you're not waiting for something else to come and once you're ready... nothing comes.

and that's one of the games i don't think i'll ever be prepared of.

GOTTA GET NEXT TO YOU

im envious with this one person i used to criticize. i admire the way she writes. her courage is very different that she can blog about the person she loves without using any codenames but real names!! brave brave girl. and maybe there are some similiraties that she and i have. i didn't fall in love with a bestfriend. or i didn't fall in love with a friend who liked another friend.--i was just quite close to it. the point is. we both like someone who doesn't like us...i like the way she blogs though it pisses me off at times. she's very straightforward and she isn't scared to face the consequences.

there are times when i just want to have this honest conversation with this one person but i can't because im too coward to know the truth. either i'm afraid i'll be hurt or im not ready to face complications.

haaaayyy.
there's this one event that i could call a twist in my life. the problem was... i was too awkward to face it. to act real and try to decode things a little further. i hate it. i hate being unprepared. i came into this battle no one knows and i'm trying to fight something i don't know if it really exists.

you know what they say that music says something a person can't? well, i think i found the song. for the moment.

NEXT TO YOU * JORDIN SPARKS

Two o' clock and I wish that I was sleeping
You're in my head like a song on the radio
All I know is I got to get next to you
Yeah I got to get next to you
Sitting here turning minutes into hours
To find the nerve just to call you on the telephone
'Cause You don't know that I got to get next to you

[Chorus]
Maybe were friends
Maybe were more
Maybe it's just my imagination
But I see you stare just a little too long
And it makes me start to wonder
So baby call me crazy
But I think you feel it too
Maybe I, Maybe I
Just got to get next to you (I got to get next to you)

I asked around and I heard that you were talking
Told my girl that you thought I was out of your league
What a fool, I got to get next to you, whoa
Yeah it's five in the morning and I can't go to sleep
'Cause I wish, yeah I wish that you knew what you mean to me
Baby let's get together and end this mystery, oh

[Chorus]
Maybe were friends
Maybe were more
Maybe it's just my imagination
But I see you stare just a little too long
And it makes me start to wonder
So baby call me crazy
But I think you feel it too
Maybe I, Maybe I
Just got to get next to you

Whatcha got to say? Whatcha got to do?
How ya get the one you want to want to get next to you?

Whatcha got to say? Whatcha got to do?
How ya get the one you want to want to get next to you?

Whatcha got to say? Whatcha got to do?
How ya get the one you want to want to get next to you?

Whatcha got to say? Whatcha got to do?
How ya get the one you want to want to get next to you?
Yeah, yeah, to want to get next to you

[Chorus]
Maybe were friends
Maybe were more
Maybe it's just my imagination
But I see you stare just a little too long
And it makes me start to wonder
So baby call me crazy
But I think you feel it too
Baby call me crazy
But I know you feel it too
Maybe I, Maybe I
Just got to get next to you
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I got to get next to you

to the person i dedicate this song. if ever he pass by... i know he won't.
i just want to say i'm sorry. im sorry for being unprepared. for being so stupid on falling for the trap you didn't mean to make. i'm sorry that i chose to say the truth rather than lie. i'm sorry i'm too weak to be comfortable. i'm sorry for misunderstanding and thinking that somehow there's this connection on you too. i'm sorry for crushing on your friend but it's you i really like... and believe me, i really don't know why. i'm sorry for making this public--don't worry no one reads this crap. :D
i'm sorry that i do want to talk to you so much but as soon as i see you smile...i just melt cause it's brighter than sunshine! i'm sorry that i can't look back when you look at me cause it pains me that i chose not to come too close cause i dont trust myself.
i'm sorry i don't have enough patience to tell you on how wonderful you are... and how many would actually want to know you.
i'm sorry that i've driven myself a bit crazy. don't worry it's not because of you.
i think i just drove MYSELF in this path.

and you know i want to talk to you right now but i don't know what i would say.

i hate myself--for being weak.

and i'm sorry that i can't change you even if i really really want to! i want to see you smile stress-free a bit. but i can't. cause i'm weak. im weak of changing myself to change you.

oh. now i've got dramatic as she is.
and i like it.

:|ayeenatienza

SO TWISTED.

isn't it wonderful when you just let everything out to the person involved? i used to be scared and confused on telling. but when the person was there to ask me, i had several thoughts. to lie, laugh it off and pretend it was a joke. but i chose to admit. i was caught off guard anyway. i also thought that if that person would know and if that would snob me after that, it would be alright. it must be God's way of answering some prayers.
but it was weird. the person was a bit relaxed about it--i think. so after several hours i had a realization slash paranoia that maybe he is just being kind. and i don't want to take advantage of that kindness. i feel like that i might have been pushing myself to that person. maybe he needs some space and the person may not be that comfortable about it anymore. so if that's what he wants. im giving it. im giving it...
so here i am again trying to live another day planless.
btw, i woke up last night crying. darn it. i don't freaking know why and all i can remember is this weird feeling of realizing that if a person is going away.... if that person is going away..

oh, i don't even want to think about it.

:|ayeenatienza

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF.

I now have two korean boyfriends! :D

He is So Yi Jung of Boys Before Flowers. Member of the famous group in Shinhwa, the F4. Known as a Casanova. But who could blame him? his charm and smile are just irresistable. Very rich, a sculptor, he has good looks, he's kind and has really smooth moves.

i just don't know if he's a player. but he will surely break your heart when he leaves you. but then again, you'll come chasing after him!!

awwww. i can't get enough of him. his character, the way he walks and the way he smiles. ugh, another weakness.

but he's in highschool and a lot of girls chase him! so what's your chance on getting into his heart?

don't worry. he WILL fall in love with a lower middle class. hmmmmm... but will he break her heart?

portrayed by KIM BUM! very very very handsome!!!! and he was born in 1989. hmmm.

:)ayeenatienza

*boys before flowers is currently airing in korea. :D

LEFT BEHIND

i might be feeling a bit dramatic lately. maybe it started with this dream that might sound weird but i do know that there is some interpretation to it.

the other night, i had a dream. a cat is running after me. i went inside the master's bedroom and locked myself there. i texted my friends to help me. no one's replying. it's so frustrating. i don't know why but the next thing i remembered is the cat bit me not just once but twice! the cat bit me on the ankle. it damn hurts! i texted again my friends for help. no one seems to care. no one's there. so i just sat there in pain. i don't know what hurts more. the bites of the cat or no one was there. it was sad.

it's the same feeling i have at the moment. i feel so alone. i feel like no one's checking on me. i do check on them. but it seems like no one cares.

it's just sad. i'm the farthest away from them.
and honestly, the last time i saw them. i felt like an outcast.


and if i can't bear the pain of being out of the circle..

i might begin not to care.

:(ayeenatienza

why should i care?
you weren't there when i was scared.
I WAS SO ALONE.

emo much? :)

I FOUND MY BOYFRIEND :)

i was just watching a series where my favorite korean actress, kim jung wha, stars. awwww. LOVE LOVE LOVE Sun-Woo!! A rebel, ran away from home but still makes his own money. at age 20!! a music lover. a great pianist! :D and trust me, he would never ever want to see a girl cry. he's shy when he meets your parents and if your mom says his clothes are not good and the color of his hair sucks...trust me he'll change it for you and your mom. By the way, he can paint too!! :)) HAN SUN-WOO! :)) (the character is portrayed by Lee Wan)

but of course.. HE'S TAKEN! .awwww. :))

by the pretty ma young-hee :)

i forgot how much i love..

homepage opened. there's this all american rejects' cover of womanizer. then there's this buy you a drink cover of jesse McCartney. so i searched youtube for his video of 'it's over' and i found episodes of hannah montana and suite life of zac and cody where he's at.

awww. i love him. i prefer his hair blonde rather than his hair now. haha!!
but i love him. there's this episode where he sang 'beautiful soul' i just love him!
london and maddie are FUNNY!

who would have thought?

here i was trying so hard to think of a plot of a story to write. my friend was right,i am surrounded by real drama. and the story i've been trying so hard to do is just there dancing in front of my eyes.

look at him. look at his eyes bouncing from bliss. look at his face. he's so in love. who would have thought that the constant teasing from people around them would actually lead to this certain understanding. what a lovely story to write. just the sight of them together would make their audience smile.with joy. with kilig.

look at the bully. his nonstop pang-aasar. see her patience. her optimism. she's down to earth. she's happy. no wonder she seems so blooming for the past weeks. now i know why.

if i could watch a series, it's their story i'm going to watch. i won't get tired. if it was in DVD, i could rewind it over and over.

such a lovely pair.

there's this another story. the heaven vs the earth. could a man simply break a wall with just a heart? could love really conquer all? of course, we can never tell. but if i were to pen this story. i'd choose the one with the heart and the effort for the girl who has everything.
but it's too complicated that sometimes.. i don't even want to talk about it.

hmmmmm....

:D ayeenatienza

the thing about love

when someone tells "i love you", you don't go running away and ask them to not look for you.

i was watching an excerpt of the latest episode of Gossip Girl. Chuck and Blair are love. and i just realized this.

i think no one says "i love you" and mean it without them knowing that there is a huge chance that the person they're telling love them back too.
i don't know. i think it just goes like that or something.
and i told someone that i could say the words "i love you" as a joke. well, i lied. it's one of the sentences that are hard to tell. for me. :D

do you expect me to believe i was the only one to fall...

if there's any song i want to sing with my off tune voice in his face, it would be avril's "why"

a week ago i was thinking that i might actually have been over this certain person but as i try to solve the freaking problems for my final exams, i found myself thinking about what he said. what he did and what he is doing.

i'm tired of chasing. i think. i got so tired that i honestly want to stop liking him and i was praying so hard that i could be like Jacob in the twilight saga. praying to find another one. another one who would send some sparks in my eyes. but hell, i just can't find anyone else.

i inhaled and exhaled frustratingly thinking about what the hell is his problem messing up in my head and messing up with what i feel.

tiring. i dropped my pencil and pushed away the scratch papers and pulled a yellow paper to make something out of what i feel.

how does it feel to hold a string attached to me?
how easy it is to pull me close when you need me.
it's unbelievable on how you can leave me and still have every piece of me.
it's frustrating to thing on how you can be
to have power of control and to you i have NONE at all
staring at scribbles on a paper i can't equate properly.
just like you and me.

see. even bad feelings have fruits.

:)ayeenatienza

always heard.

everytime i look at her i feel nothing but envy. she seemed so perfect. she has a happy family, a huge barkada, a nice smile, long straight black her, she seemed spoiled, she is good in writing, she has class, she has everything she ever wanted. maybe the climax of it all is seeing her getting her dreams all moved to reality.
i was the envious girl.
i texted up a friend to tell all the sentiments and how i where i am. far from up there. how i could not even get to the dean's list, or how can't i go to the organization party i want to attend. i can't even write with a lot of sense. she then said something that made me realize on how good i was.
she doesn't have nice legs, as yours. she's not sexy. and you can write,too. not just as good as her.

and she was right. i am good. i may not be up there, but i've got a lot down here. if that's how i see it. i have tons of friends,real friends. i may not have the face, but i guess my humor and wit are enough to make others to be drawn into me. i'm trying to make a story. not so good, but i'm happy im able to materialize them.

i never actually believed in myself. i didn't know why. i just always felt like i have to give something more. and maybe just like what my colorgenics said, i'm capable of more things that i think i can.

hmmm. i just hope someone or something could trigger for that to come out.
cause i really can't wait on who i'm going to be.

:)ayeenatienza

realization.

sometimes if you just believe in yourself. even the opinions of the ones you love.

won't matter.

:)