Tuesday, February 19, 2008

let me believe in fortune telling...

there's just something i realize these past few hours. maybe i should believe in fortune telling. cause maybe fortune telling would help me move on and forget the dark ages.

i once attended this birthday gathering. the celebrant's cousin knows how to sort of tell fortune. well i know that she's not professional but somehow there is truth in what she's saying. so i had my fortune be told thru cards. so this is what she said...

"close kayo nito noh? close kayo but there's no exchange of hearts..."

sad.haha! i was expecting sort of. "exchange of hearts kaso my girl na nakaharang."
haha! but it wasn't my fortune.haha!!

i just remembered it now. i mean i totally forgot about that. and being with the guy for another 2 hours for the week, i felt that he really felt nothing for me. even if reading my journal reminds me on how frustrated i am about him. i guess he really felt nothing for me. maybe for someone else. haaayyy... sad. again. he really loves someone very much.i used to think that i stood a chance on him. but i actually don't. for him.. i'm just a classmate that he could mess with. "asaran" with but never the friend he could share his feelings with. hmmmm...

so i am saying that i think i should remember the fortune that was told upon me. cause maybe believing in that helps me move on. forget about him. and.... save myself from frustration or anything.

i am totally rambling right now. so i really don't know what i'm saying...

i'll stop..
making songs
writing poems

for a person...

who really never...


so i guess that's it. the frustration i've been keeping for the past hours.
and it feels so good to let it out to the world.


ciao. :)
"I’ve gone too far to come back from here
But you don’t have a clue
You don’t know what you do to me
Won’t someone stop this song?
So I won’t sing along
Someone stop this song
So I won’t sing"
-stop this song*paramore

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

maybe i just can't get enough of this...

guess what? frustrated again huh? yes. again.
i mean how could all the bad things come at one time? like this moment.
i've been happy for the past few days. yes, days after my birthday maybe. i aced an exam. been able to talk to someone....a bit special. and i guess i was not able to prolong the happiness. i've been inspired. going to school, doing assignments. but i guess at the end of the day when i arrive home... i'm still sad and in despair. maybe. it's just so sad around there.

i need happiness. i used to think that frustration would make me craving for more. achieving more. but the more i get sad... the more i do nothing. nothing but crap.

or maybe i just need this one person. he made me sad. and he also made me happy. being around him and being able to be around him just makes me smile. just gives me a reason to smile. but now. he's gone. not really gone gone. i mean he vanished from my life. we seldom see each other. we don't talk anymore. for a reason i don't know. he forgot something that is really important to me. (sa bagay ano nga naman ang pake niya..)haaaayyyy...
i can't believe. if he feels so far away now.. paano na kaya next year?? maybe i won't totally see him. that's sad. thinking about it really makes me sad.

and if it's probable for him to read this... well. i don't care anymore. if the reason why you stepped out of my life is this. the so be it.

labo ko na naman.
depressed na naman kasi eh.
one text from someone else would be enough siguro. :)

ciao :)