Saturday, October 4, 2014

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned

Pain. I was swimming in pain for the past two days. Tears come out of nowhere. Sleeping is all I do thinking that maybe if I try to sleep again, I'll be successful in not waking up. Maybe if I close my eyes one more time, I won't see the sun.

My rage for things has subsided. I'm not calm but I am closer.

It's outrageous.

It's chaos in my head, no order. I can't think straight and I don't even know what my next moves and counter moves would be. But here's one thing that I think: It's time to chase dreams.

Time to let go of the things that make me miserable from the very beginning. It's time to listen to the voices in my head. It's time to let them out as they scream above a whisper. It's time. It's time.

One step forward.

Two steps backward.

Decisions. Decisions.

/ayeenatienza

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Doubt & Inadequacy

It's creeping in. It is slowly creeping in -- the doubt. The self-doubt whether I would make it. Would I? It's been almost two months since review started and I have failed miserable on exams. I failed to catch up on reading homeworks, I failed to continuously solve problems in Take Home Exams. I failed and it scares me.

Will I make it?

It's less than a week before GEAS and EST crash down on me and load me up with more information. I felt like I wasn't serious enough. I started doubting with my inadequacy.

I am lacking.

Aside from the fact that I can't keep myself from getting online and get myself lost on trivial matters, I can't get myself to study because I feel like I don't understand a thing.

Why am I undergoing these things again?

Oh, it's because I have a dream.

And what was I sacrificing for it?

So far, none.

And it sucks... BIG TIME.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The stress that is graduation. :))

Usually people look forward to graduation but I, on the other hand, just want to get over with it. It's taking so much time.

Well it takes so much time because my school is lame. It doesn't conduct it's own pictorial and they don't fix the schedule so we might as well just go and find another place. I am still thinking on what to do with my creative shot or should I still do it? I have this clearance to fix and recollection to attend do. Maybe I'm just being a whiny bitch because I wanted to dedicate every available time for studying.

I feel very frustrated because I am not making it on Periodic Evaluation Examinations. This is probably due to the fact that I do not dedicate 100% of me to studying. Like now, I am on Facebook.. and here. But I'm on FB only because I have this pictorial thing I have to arrange. And it falls on a Friday.

Anyway. I just wanted to get this over with.

Oh, I still need to shop for a dress, shoes, accessories, hair products, make-up for grad. I'm doing my own make-up and hair cause the salon people have this tendency of overdoing things. When I graduated in highschool I looked like something I can't even describe. My face was so brown and it felt like I was wearing n layers of make-up. It didn't feel good.

So this graduation, I am doing my own make-up using my knowledge I've acquired through FB. I'm still thinking if I'd go thru with all the contouring.

So there. Time for Trig and Geometry.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Visionboard!

I already forgot that I searched for these things so I can make a vision board. It's been almost a year and I just finished making one. Well, electronically. :)) Hope all of these things happen. Hahaha!



Saturday, September 21, 2013

School Supply Haul For This Term.

Well, this is just actually the first batch of things I've bought for this term. I'm still looking forward to buying a whole lot more. Anyway, I love watching hauls at Youtube. I love watching organizing stuffs,too. I find solitude in watching. So here's my cheap share of jealousy. :)

video

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Ranting before midnight.

I am depressed again. I think. And I have this thing of being self-destructive when I'm depressed. I can't even pull myself together. Where do I go from here?

I feel bad right now. Like nothing makes sense. How do I even pull all of these together?

Friday, August 23, 2013

Down this pit

I am not well.
I feel bad.
I'm pissed.

It's such a shame that I have no one to tell those words.

What a life I live.