Friday, December 4, 2009

HANGING BY A THREAD.

What does it mean when you roll over your bed only to discover that you're missing your rosary that is usually just right beside you?
I find it scary, actually. I won't lie.

I woke up one morning realizing that I can't continue my future plans anymore for a reason that future itself is quite a blur. I didn't know what to think. I just discovered that I'm heading for a dead end. Several thought entered the door to my head. Not making a single sound but its weight is taking a toll on me.

The first thing that I have thought of is to give up. To finally let it go and move on. Another thing is to fight, to change. I once read that every minute can turn things around.

I guess my life didn't depend on minutes.

At the end of the line, no matter what I choose, it will still sound pathetic. Fighting in the end? Not really a good way to be a heroine. Let go? Pathetic again, you're already there, why bother stopping when you've reached too far.

Drowning in the sea of thoughts was the only feeling I had. Two choices again, to swim or to sink in.

It's easy to sink in and not know what lies ahead and it's hard to swim and what you may be dealing with in the shore may be a lot harder.

I've been breathing lifeless air for a long time now and I don't think I've learned what Life is. Too young? No, never use your age as an excuse.

I guess my sphere of interests only revolves around myself. Cause someone has to care for me, Im willing to do it for myself.

So as the vision fades away, there is only one thing I'm going to do as I walk to the end.

I'll try to really care for myself this time.

Bring back the pride, the motivation and dedication.

And on the process I still hope to touch a life. Is it even possible? To touch a life without love?

:)ayeenatienza

Saturday, November 7, 2009

MOVING IN CIRCLES.

I'm sitting in a stool as I stare on the empty plate in front of me. Im trying to think of something to scribble but there was only one thing in my head and there is no way I'm going to write that without offending someone. Afterall, it might just be the influence of paranoia in the first place.

So I tried to ignore every bell that goes off in this head. Fighting the thoughts that I'm the one being talked about.

I'm sorry. I honestly didn't mean to. If ever I'm the one you're trying to pinpoint.

The ink on the paper posted in my planner said I had a lot of thinks to do but I'd rather do all these networks first, It's here that I find freedom.

I came to this page where I thought on how cruel the world is. How it's size can be a friend or a foe. The world is small. It might be an advantage but sometimes it isn't.
The smell of misery still lingers on the same circle. We're all moving in one without our knowledge.

The sad part is, I'm always the sole loser.

and I hate it.

TRYING TO PAINT THE PICTURE

The only that was wrong with me is that I always felt that I don't have any rights at all.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

THE STORM STARTS HERE.

I've been writing lyrics for a while now and it's becoming a good habit. good? Anyway, I've been telling my lovely friends that I would learn the piano, guitar and vocals in three days. hahaha! HOPEFUL. I would probably end up cleaning the whole house because Ydette is such an inspiration.

Here's a couple of lines from the song I'm trying to make.
SAD SONG

do you remember
when i used to put you to sleep
you'll think about her
and you'll tell me something deep

i know
you're out of misery
that doesn't mean
you could criticize me
with bliss, you try to sing along
but i'll always be your little sad song

anna! go do some music while I open youtube with how to play the piano chords and how to play the guitar! i'll get my guitar that's with my neighbor!

and shoutout to anyone who does music.
bow to you.

i'm sad.
stors just starts here.

hope i survive.

:|ayeenatienza

Saturday, September 5, 2009

SINCE I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN THE LONGES TIME.

Before this bliss gets rubbed off by some familiar misery, I would just write something under the clouds.

Hm. I honestly feel I haven't blogged in ages for some reason I don't know. Maybe because I've been pouring out the anger, happiness, regret, misery and all other emotions on making a song. And just to let you know I've made three songs already-- no tune yet so maybe it's not yet a song. and and and. i got myself a SONG JOURNAL! how amazing is that?

Speaking of songs. I've been listening to some VersaEmerge songs lately and I'm totally in love with Moments Between Sleep and The Authors. There's something about Ciara's voice that is different and I like it. Makes me want to be more of a vocalist on some band that's going to be popular over at youtube. Oh well, I'm dreaming on! I'm a singer in the first place. haha! And I'm memorizing Broken wings by heart. From what I;ve heard it's from Flyleaf's 2000 EP, meaning the song will be 10 years in a year. hu-wow! what about that? But I've listened to the song last 2007 over at my friend's new phone--back then. And I was like.. Is this Flyleaf? It's totally Lacey's voice.

And still speaking of songs. I just heard Paramore's single from the upcoming album, BRAND NEW EYES,Brick by Boring Brick. Awesome. I already told my friend about this-- There's just something about this song that makes me feel different. Specially on the bridge part! And its chorus is LSS material. "So go get a shovel and we'll dig a deep hole to bury the castle. bury the castle." I honestly don't know what it means but hey, it's good. I really can't wait for this album thought Ignorance was a bit harsh and I found it hard to rock and head bang with the lyrics. Hey, don't blame me.. I'm really a lyrics person. Spells deep, man. Deep! hahaha!

I'm up for reading another Kinsella novel. Remember Me. My friend is asking me to read it before the movie goes out. Robert Pattinson will be there and I don't exactly know what to feel. I don't like him! I mean I adore him as Cedric and okay as Edward at first and then she started going out to every co-star which I should absolutely have no business about but it's just so--- weird and flirty and. okay I'll stop now. So I really hope that I could read it this term break thought I know I'd probably be sticking my face on the monitor and hug the keyboard! YAY!

And I've got tons of stories in my head but I'm secretly publishing two. haha! you won't find that. I swear. :D


I'm about to say something else but I totally forgot. darn.
oh yes. not worth talking about it online. maybe i should preserve all the crappy personal stuff for my diary. It's not even halfway full even if it's the ninth month already. wow. now i just realized that.

Oh well!! cheers to home alone! I'm along tonight everyone's out doing some happy things with their lives and I'm here in front of the computer for the third time in this day!! Chatting with my highschool buddies whom I haven't seen in ages.

I'll see you tom!
WE'LL TALK ABOUT BOYS! hahaha!

"It's amazingly strange how we all seem to change"

:)ayeenatienza

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I'M OBSESSED!

FINE! but i just couldn't help but to know their story. I know it's really none of my business and I shall respect their privacy or something but I don't go stalking them anyway or something. But--I just couldn't help myself.

So here are some of the pictures I found over at a site my good friend, Trisha Zayco, introduced me to. God, it's so addictive and some things are mean!

BTW, Josh and Hayley admitted they dated until fall of 2007.
AWESOMENESS!



MAN. awwww! :)

THIS. I WANT . I WANT. I sighed as soon as I saw this picture! :D hahaha! I LOVE THEM! they make good music together.



AND THIS MADE MY HEART BEAT EVEN MORE. Emo much. hahaha! God, they really have been in love. It's really precious to see two people who are really on love. I don't care if it's young love or anything. I still love the both of them!

THIS SO JUST SO FUNNY! The picture is a date to Melting Pot and Hayley brought Chad there! hahaha! I love this. :D


Awwww...



and there's more coming up! hahaha!

I apologize for anyone who will get irritated or pissed off or anything negative. :D

Source: Parasecrets.

:)ayeenatienza

Friday, August 21, 2009

heart breaking...

"Can't make my own decisions or make any with precision
Well maybe you should tie me up so I don't go where you don't want me
You say that I been changing, that I'm not just simply aging"



"If God's the game you're playing, then we must get more acquainted,
It must be so lonely... to be the only one who's holy
It's just my humble opinion, but one I firmly believe in
You don't deserve a point of view, if the only thing you see is you. "

--it's hurtful dear. he's too good to keep your words alive.the perspective is fresh but i don't know if i'm going to love it. but if every sad song is about him i'll risk the hearing and breaking. so what i read might be true. your brand new eyes might be about loving someong and hating him...

:'( Goodnight.

AW!

"When you finally decide it's worth the pain.
I'm here. I never went anywhere
Growing older, I never thought that I
Would look back and not regret a thing "

--that is totally saaaddd! I'll just hug you if you're close. Seven Years in The Making. I'll wait til i hear it.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

IGNORANCE

i have been reading too much fanfictions lately and i have read a part and realized at the same time that..

BRAND NEW EYES

may be about

loving chad

and

hating JOSH.


:| that would totally break me. :)

BUZZZZing over at Buzznet. :D

Sunday, August 9, 2009

WHY IT JUST DOESNT FIT.

Aw. I hate this feeling. I hate the feeling of seeing two people so perfect for each other but not ending up together. You know what I mean. It's not really the "end" yet but it just sucks that they're not together. It's just like a puzzle fits so right but the picture doesn't really fit. No, scratch that. The picture is perfect too. Ugh. I hate it. He obviously care. I mean come on. And I don't know what happened to her.

I wish perfect picture puzzles were just easy to maintain. And I hate how the eyes can say so much of ones inner thoughts.... or feelings.

It's like Justin and Britney, Bea and John Lloyd, Ella and Wu Zun or Josh and Hayley.

It just makes sense and yet it doesn't.

:| oh. ayeenatienza

Friday, August 7, 2009

My Heart...

damn. i just finished watching some of the final riot performances. PARAMORE rocked my night and i promised that i would just check my damn mails but i end up watching because twitter is dowwnnn!! and i wouldn't be able to express on how much i have fallen for Josh Farro! I heart you! hahaha!! I'm just drawn to him! Really! hahaha! I love their sincerity in music. I feel it here with my earphones! darrrnnn!

So anyway. I have set up standards for new crushes and likes!! Josh's fault. I want someone who has sense of humor but not the one that everyone likes.. i don't want them to be OVERLYFRIENDLY! hate that. hahaha! Specially when they treat you really sweet and then expect nothing from you! THAT'S TOTAL CRAP!! don't make any connection if you don't want to!! you're just wasting someone else's affection!! but i don't want them to be snob either.

I want a musician who can write songs. Words may be flowery but i want those that touch my soul. ugh. i wanna know how he feels.. through writing. i was browsing through some blogs a while ago and i have read something about being apart from the girl. god, i felt his pain! specially that line where he said "Since when did loving me become such a fucking chore? I never looked at it that way, but she thinks that she has to work to keep my love with only her." damn. it hit me.

so all that i am trying to say here is.. I'm totally smitten by Josh! seriously. he's like my newest addiction although my eyes met him years ago in monitor screens and tv screens and earphones and prints and everything else. but it just hit me now.

So twitter.. you suck! I wanna tweet about this: I wish it's your voice that's singing me to sleep. you're my lullaby. and i wanna see you in my dream! i'm obsessed. haha! kidding. i'd prefer addicted!

you made me happy tonight. i might be sad when i wake up.
it scares the hell out of me.


i write to remember.

:)ayeenatienza

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Throwing Punches

I have been feeling a bit sad lately. Oh. When did I ever feel so happy? You know what? That's the bad thing about being happy. When you're happy.. you just have to look forward to that bad thing that's just about to happen. Just like what I have heard in the radio... "You can never just be happy." Cause you can't certainly have have everything.. something has to really messed your life up.

So anyway, I don't know if I'm just reading too many books lately or I've been taken away by this stupid story I'm making in my head. I just feel down? I feel like I should have tons of stuff in my hands but I just can't feel anything.

and I just feel so inferior.
and I've never felt this inferior in my whole life.

:( sad.

btw, I'm making a story in my head that I can relate to the song "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift. But the two girls are sister and one is hilarious! as well as the guy. hahaha!

You're so hateful sometimes
Throwing punches at lies
Fall from somewhere above
Just to say you're in love

Thursday, June 25, 2009

I KNOW IT HURTS BUT I REALLY HAVE TO.

"You know I love you, I really do
But I can't fight anymore for you


The way you're holding on to me
Makes me feel like I can't breathe
Just let me go, just let me go
It just won't feel right inside
God knows I've tried"
--In Another Life/ The Veronicas


i used to hate them, the people who left us hanging, the people who left us in a time where we needed them the most. but i can't sacrifice this much just for you... I'm sorry, i have to think of myself... for the mean time and when i get myself back to stability... I will come back and I hope that you're doors would still be open cause I'd never stop believing but I've got to stop fighting... for now.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Saturday, May 9, 2009

ALL I DID.

man. all i did for these past two days is to watch these three people in Devil Beside You and Why Why Love. There is even a time when I'm watching both. It's really comic with its own dramatic twists. I prefer Devil Beside You better :D

Both of the guys have chemistry with the girl which makes the choice harder. haha!!

They have two dramas together.

AND I WANT ELLA CHEN AND WU CHUN TO HAVE ANOTHER DRAMA TOO!!!

Ariel Lin and Joe Cheng have three dramas together.

I WON'T BE ASKING FOR HANA KIMI 2.

i just want ella and wu chun together :D

Monday, May 4, 2009

utak naman PO!

okay. ang tawag dito. blog. this is a place where someone is free to express his or her feelings. itong blog na to under my name... ibig sabihin, may karapatan akong magkwento ng kwentong nais kong ikwento.

kasi that's how blog works.

you know what i really hate in a person? well, there's a lot of things i really hate but one of them is when you let people see na pinagkakaisahan ka, inaapi ka well in fact... HINDI NAMAN TALAGA! oh c'mon. lahat naman ng mga taong under sa situation mo nakakaranas ng ganyan!!!! so gusto mo special treatment sayo?

i believe my batch president had been flexible already--true enough as my former governor has said, she has compromised already---more than on what she should have.

and if it is your plan to drive the president,whom our batch had elected, insane... carry on. WE will just be behind her back and as well as the batch that elected her in that position.

and if REVENGE is what you speak... EXCUSE ME LANG! kung tutuusin naman wala naman kaming ginagawa sa inyo. too much of you to speak of revenge when all we've ever asked is

A JUST AND FREE SOCIETY.

This is a blog. this is MY blog. All thoughts that run in my mind---i put it in here. and you're always free to read and react.

As far as i see. There's nothing wrong on what you see as wrong ----JUST AN OPINION.

This is My blog.
This is what i feel.

:)

Saturday, May 2, 2009

LOVE OR BREAD.


JOE wrote a letter to ARIEL during her birthday and he said something about working already in three dramas and i was wondering what the third one was. and i found it!

LOVE OR BREAD. A series where Ariel Lin was supposed to be the lead girl role but cannot make it because she had to do another drama so it was given to Barbie but had to back out because of schedule conflicts so the series was given back to Ariel because the drama she's supposed to make had been cancelled. so once again... ARJOE!

wooo! i love them and the series is really different even if i am currently just watching the half of the first episode.

their acting here is really different from the kiss series so it's a must watch because you will really ROLL because of laughter. :D

Friday, May 1, 2009

MORNING RIDE.

as usual it was raining. i went to school to have meeting with the SC's Executive Secretary and her Operations chairperson.
I dragged myself to go there because it was really raining and it was cold.
Since i'm the ever "i-can't-let-you-down" girl, i still pushed for the plan. How lucky was I to be still able to get the front passenger seat even if it was freezing cold.

i had a ride with these bunch of nursing students and they were talking about their lives and other peoples lives. It's really amazing when you're with a company of friends...you totally forget the existence of the world outside your circle.

they were really talking loud because there were five of them and three had to sit in the middle and the other two at the back.

Their chat was a usual girl chat. BOYS and the lives of the PRETTY MEAN GIRLS who get the hot guys!

They said that they didn't like that their duty had to be in Lawton. They said it was far. We were in Baclaran when one of the girls said, "bakit parang ang layo naman ng nilalakbay natin?" it was loud enough for me to hear. i swear. :)

I said to myself, not loudly of course, "hindi naman malayo ah.". But maybe just because i got used to it.

Later on we were already in Vito Cruz and I am just about to get off the FX when one of the girls said.."Ay, malapit na yata tayo...alam ko na to.. alam ko na to.."

No hija, malayo ka pa!! sa ulan na yan at sa traffic. MALAYO ka pa.

so once i was off the vehicle i murmured to myself..

ALAM MO NGA KUNG SAAN KA PUPUNTA PERO ANG MAHIRAP DUN, HINDI MO ALAM KUNG PAANO KA MAKAKARATING DUN.....AT HINDI MO ALAM KUNG KAILAN.

*you know where you're going but the hard thing is, you don't know how to get there....and you don't know when (you will get there.)*

so that was the lesson i have learned this day. crappy but useful somehow.

i kind of relate to it.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

SKINWHITE.

i was looking for Pond's new 10-peso product but i couldn't find it so i just decided to try skin white's product since i only have 20 bucks in my wallet and i feel that i need to buy something.

so i tested the product right after i took a shower because of too much heat! and it's good. its promise of non sticky residue is true! it turns to powder too! i bought the light beige. it's a nice base for make up and i hope that i could be whiter in 7 days!!

hmmm. i can't wait. :D

Monday, April 6, 2009

GO FIGHT FOR IT!

i haven't been listening to the radio for the past weeks because i always arrive home either past nine or past ten in the evening so i really don't have time to catch up with the boys over at Magic.

I had the chance to listen to the radio yesterday and I really loved Elliot Yamin's Fight for Love. I love its lyrics! it is so meaningful, just like his so "One Word" which i really loved too.






I'm ecstatic
I feel the magic
It's everlasting
I think that you were meant to be alive on this very night
With me
I see, it clearly
The dream you hear about
and never truly think its realistic till it blows your mind
I never thought i could understand
I was searching me
and now i finally see

[chorus]
I see that some people fight for love
They stick with it
Just can't quit it
Some people hide from love
they run from it, cause they don't want it
When you got a love and its good like it should be
Makes you never wanna give it up
cause you know that some people fight for love
And I believe it's true cause I'd do the same for you

You're the reason, the air I'm breathing
so don't go leaving
cause loving you is the only thing that ever really touched my soul
I'm protective, of my blessings
Glad I kept it
I never really thought about the future till i saw my life
Finding it's purpose
so very worth it
And now I know that love is really worth it


And that's why,Some people fight for love
They stick with it
Just can't quit it
Some people hide from love
They run from it, cause they don't want it
When you got a love and it's good like it should be
Makes you never wanna give it up
Cause you know that some people die for love
And I believe it's true cause I'd do the same for you

It's hard to be, and good to keep
And once you're with it, it's hard to leave
You can't help but run wild with imagination
It'll change you life from wrong or right
And then you'll touch, touch the sky,
And now I don't see how I made it through the night

But I see how there's some people who fight
Some people fight for love
They stick with it
just can't quit it
Some people hide from love
They run from it, cause they don't want it
When you got a love and it's good like it should be
Makes you never wanna give it up
Cause you know that some people die for love
And I believe it's true cause I'd do the same for you

Some people fight for love,
(I don't wanna do it no more)
Some people hide from love,
(It just feels so good)
But when you got a love and it's good like it should be
Makes you never wanna give it up
Cause you know that
Some people fight for love


Sunday, April 5, 2009

MARTYR.

CHEN XIN YI.

i have been watching Fated To Love You over at Mysoju.com and i'm quite hooked to it. There's nothing i could say to this girl because she is so kind. She may be weak in the eyes of others but letting go of someone you truly love is really hard.

After entering the wrong room one drunken night at a cruise ship, something happened between Xin Yi and a stranger. That night made their lives change 360.

I admire her character because she's willing to give anything even if it will hurt her. She warns the person when she's about to fall and let go if he chooses to. I cried when her baby died! She's optimistic about things and always think of herself last.

hmmm...
sometimes, you should always leave something for yourself.

*i'm sorry i can't think straight. i'll edit this if i have decided.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

WHAT A CRAZY WORLD I LIVE IN.

it's stunning and frustrating on how twist of fate plays you on.

i was there. ready to move on from a relationship that was only close enough to be created. it was frustrating. i wouldn't say it was painful but i did missed him. he totally vanished once he realized that i had no meaning in his life. that she was more important.--i was never close to the word "important" anyway.

i found an arena to channel my thoughts . so there's this place i feel belonged at times and i feel to dumb to be there often. i never knew that i could find another frustration.

there are patterns on how a guy catches my eye...then my heart. it always starts with constant exchange of glances. and i always meet his eyes. the problem is... i think he's taken and i think he's too smart or too perfect to be reached. i just wanted to raise my freaking hand to wave at him and say hello but all i can do was look... at him as if i don't know him. and i think that goes for him too.

it's weird. when you're not waiting for something else to come and once you're ready... nothing comes.

and that's one of the games i don't think i'll ever be prepared of.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

GOTTA GET NEXT TO YOU

im envious with this one person i used to criticize. i admire the way she writes. her courage is very different that she can blog about the person she loves without using any codenames but real names!! brave brave girl. and maybe there are some similiraties that she and i have. i didn't fall in love with a bestfriend. or i didn't fall in love with a friend who liked another friend.--i was just quite close to it. the point is. we both like someone who doesn't like us...i like the way she blogs though it pisses me off at times. she's very straightforward and she isn't scared to face the consequences.

there are times when i just want to have this honest conversation with this one person but i can't because im too coward to know the truth. either i'm afraid i'll be hurt or im not ready to face complications.

haaaayyy.
there's this one event that i could call a twist in my life. the problem was... i was too awkward to face it. to act real and try to decode things a little further. i hate it. i hate being unprepared. i came into this battle no one knows and i'm trying to fight something i don't know if it really exists.

you know what they say that music says something a person can't? well, i think i found the song. for the moment.

NEXT TO YOU * JORDIN SPARKS

Two o' clock and I wish that I was sleeping
You're in my head like a song on the radio
All I know is I got to get next to you
Yeah I got to get next to you
Sitting here turning minutes into hours
To find the nerve just to call you on the telephone
'Cause You don't know that I got to get next to you

[Chorus]
Maybe were friends
Maybe were more
Maybe it's just my imagination
But I see you stare just a little too long
And it makes me start to wonder
So baby call me crazy
But I think you feel it too
Maybe I, Maybe I
Just got to get next to you (I got to get next to you)

I asked around and I heard that you were talking
Told my girl that you thought I was out of your league
What a fool, I got to get next to you, whoa
Yeah it's five in the morning and I can't go to sleep
'Cause I wish, yeah I wish that you knew what you mean to me
Baby let's get together and end this mystery, oh

[Chorus]
Maybe were friends
Maybe were more
Maybe it's just my imagination
But I see you stare just a little too long
And it makes me start to wonder
So baby call me crazy
But I think you feel it too
Maybe I, Maybe I
Just got to get next to you

Whatcha got to say? Whatcha got to do?
How ya get the one you want to want to get next to you?

Whatcha got to say? Whatcha got to do?
How ya get the one you want to want to get next to you?

Whatcha got to say? Whatcha got to do?
How ya get the one you want to want to get next to you?

Whatcha got to say? Whatcha got to do?
How ya get the one you want to want to get next to you?
Yeah, yeah, to want to get next to you

[Chorus]
Maybe were friends
Maybe were more
Maybe it's just my imagination
But I see you stare just a little too long
And it makes me start to wonder
So baby call me crazy
But I think you feel it too
Baby call me crazy
But I know you feel it too
Maybe I, Maybe I
Just got to get next to you
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I got to get next to you

to the person i dedicate this song. if ever he pass by... i know he won't.
i just want to say i'm sorry. im sorry for being unprepared. for being so stupid on falling for the trap you didn't mean to make. i'm sorry that i chose to say the truth rather than lie. i'm sorry i'm too weak to be comfortable. i'm sorry for misunderstanding and thinking that somehow there's this connection on you too. i'm sorry for crushing on your friend but it's you i really like... and believe me, i really don't know why. i'm sorry for making this public--don't worry no one reads this crap. :D
i'm sorry that i do want to talk to you so much but as soon as i see you smile...i just melt cause it's brighter than sunshine! i'm sorry that i can't look back when you look at me cause it pains me that i chose not to come too close cause i dont trust myself.
i'm sorry i don't have enough patience to tell you on how wonderful you are... and how many would actually want to know you.
i'm sorry that i've driven myself a bit crazy. don't worry it's not because of you.
i think i just drove MYSELF in this path.

and you know i want to talk to you right now but i don't know what i would say.

i hate myself--for being weak.

and i'm sorry that i can't change you even if i really really want to! i want to see you smile stress-free a bit. but i can't. cause i'm weak. im weak of changing myself to change you.

oh. now i've got dramatic as she is.
and i like it.

:|ayeenatienza

Saturday, January 31, 2009

SO TWISTED.

isn't it wonderful when you just let everything out to the person involved? i used to be scared and confused on telling. but when the person was there to ask me, i had several thoughts. to lie, laugh it off and pretend it was a joke. but i chose to admit. i was caught off guard anyway. i also thought that if that person would know and if that would snob me after that, it would be alright. it must be God's way of answering some prayers.
but it was weird. the person was a bit relaxed about it--i think. so after several hours i had a realization slash paranoia that maybe he is just being kind. and i don't want to take advantage of that kindness. i feel like that i might have been pushing myself to that person. maybe he needs some space and the person may not be that comfortable about it anymore. so if that's what he wants. im giving it. im giving it...
so here i am again trying to live another day planless.
btw, i woke up last night crying. darn it. i don't freaking know why and all i can remember is this weird feeling of realizing that if a person is going away.... if that person is going away..

oh, i don't even want to think about it.

:|ayeenatienza


It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF.








I now have two korean boyfriends! :D


He is So Yi Jung of Boys Before Flowers. Member of the famous group in Shinhwa, the F4. Known as a Casanova. But who could blame him? his charm and smile are just irresistable. Very rich, a sculptor, he has good looks, he's kind and has really smooth moves.


i just don't know if he's a player. but he will surely break your heart when he leaves you. but then again, you'll come chasing after him!!


awwww. i can't get enough of him. his character, the way he walks and the way he smiles. ugh, another weakness.


but he's in highschool and a lot of girls chase him! so what's your chance on getting into his heart?


don't worry. he WILL fall in love with a lower middle class. hmmmmm... but will he break her heart?




portrayed by KIM BUM! very very very handsome!!!! and he was born in 1989. hmmm.




:)ayeenatienza








*boys before flowers is currently airing in korea. :D

Saturday, January 10, 2009

LEFT BEHIND

i might be feeling a bit dramatic lately. maybe it started with this dream that might sound weird but i do know that there is some interpretation to it.

the other night, i had a dream. a cat is running after me. i went inside the master's bedroom and locked myself there. i texted my friends to help me. no one's replying. it's so frustrating. i don't know why but the next thing i remembered is the cat bit me not just once but twice! the cat bit me on the ankle. it damn hurts! i texted again my friends for help. no one seems to care. no one's there. so i just sat there in pain. i don't know what hurts more. the bites of the cat or no one was there. it was sad.

it's the same feeling i have at the moment. i feel so alone. i feel like no one's checking on me. i do check on them. but it seems like no one cares.

it's just sad. i'm the farthest away from them.
and honestly, the last time i saw them. i felt like an outcast.


and if i can't bear the pain of being out of the circle..

i might begin not to care.

:(ayeenatienza

why should i care?
you weren't there when i was scared.
I WAS SO ALONE.

emo much? :)

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I FOUND MY BOYFRIEND :)









i was just watching a series where my favorite korean actress, kim jung wha, stars. awwww. LOVE LOVE LOVE Sun-Woo!! A rebel, ran away from home but still makes his own money. at age 20!! a music lover. a great pianist! :D and trust me, he would never ever want to see a girl cry. he's shy when he meets your parents and if your mom says his clothes are not good and the color of his hair sucks...trust me he'll change it for you and your mom. By the way, he can paint too!! :)) HAN SUN-WOO! :)) (the character is portrayed by Lee Wan)






but of course.. HE'S TAKEN! .awwww. :))

by the pretty ma young-hee :)