Wednesday, December 24, 2008

i forgot how much i love..



homepage opened. there's this all american rejects' cover of womanizer. then there's this buy you a drink cover of jesse McCartney. so i searched youtube for his video of 'it's over' and i found episodes of hannah montana and suite life of zac and cody where he's at.

awww. i love him. i prefer his hair blonde rather than his hair now. haha!!
but i love him. there's this episode where he sang 'beautiful soul' i just love him!
london and maddie are FUNNY!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

who would have thought?

here i was trying so hard to think of a plot of a story to write. my friend was right,i am surrounded by real drama. and the story i've been trying so hard to do is just there dancing in front of my eyes.

look at him. look at his eyes bouncing from bliss. look at his face. he's so in love. who would have thought that the constant teasing from people around them would actually lead to this certain understanding. what a lovely story to write. just the sight of them together would make their audience smile.with joy. with kilig.

look at the bully. his nonstop pang-aasar. see her patience. her optimism. she's down to earth. she's happy. no wonder she seems so blooming for the past weeks. now i know why.

if i could watch a series, it's their story i'm going to watch. i won't get tired. if it was in DVD, i could rewind it over and over.

such a lovely pair.

there's this another story. the heaven vs the earth. could a man simply break a wall with just a heart? could love really conquer all? of course, we can never tell. but if i were to pen this story. i'd choose the one with the heart and the effort for the girl who has everything.
but it's too complicated that sometimes.. i don't even want to talk about it.

hmmmmm....

:D ayeenatienza

Saturday, December 13, 2008

the thing about love

when someone tells "i love you", you don't go running away and ask them to not look for you.

i was watching an excerpt of the latest episode of Gossip Girl. Chuck and Blair are love. and i just realized this.

i think no one says "i love you" and mean it without them knowing that there is a huge chance that the person they're telling love them back too.
i don't know. i think it just goes like that or something.
and i told someone that i could say the words "i love you" as a joke. well, i lied. it's one of the sentences that are hard to tell. for me. :D

Thursday, December 11, 2008

do you expect me to believe i was the only one to fall...

if there's any song i want to sing with my off tune voice in his face, it would be avril's "why"

a week ago i was thinking that i might actually have been over this certain person but as i try to solve the freaking problems for my final exams, i found myself thinking about what he said. what he did and what he is doing.

i'm tired of chasing. i think. i got so tired that i honestly want to stop liking him and i was praying so hard that i could be like Jacob in the twilight saga. praying to find another one. another one who would send some sparks in my eyes. but hell, i just can't find anyone else.

i inhaled and exhaled frustratingly thinking about what the hell is his problem messing up in my head and messing up with what i feel.

tiring. i dropped my pencil and pushed away the scratch papers and pulled a yellow paper to make something out of what i feel.

how does it feel to hold a string attached to me?
how easy it is to pull me close when you need me.
it's unbelievable on how you can leave me and still have every piece of me.
it's frustrating to thing on how you can be
to have power of control and to you i have NONE at all
staring at scribbles on a paper i can't equate properly.
just like you and me.

see. even bad feelings have fruits.

:)ayeenatienza

Monday, December 8, 2008

always heard.

everytime i look at her i feel nothing but envy. she seemed so perfect. she has a happy family, a huge barkada, a nice smile, long straight black her, she seemed spoiled, she is good in writing, she has class, she has everything she ever wanted. maybe the climax of it all is seeing her getting her dreams all moved to reality.
i was the envious girl.
i texted up a friend to tell all the sentiments and how i where i am. far from up there. how i could not even get to the dean's list, or how can't i go to the organization party i want to attend. i can't even write with a lot of sense. she then said something that made me realize on how good i was.
she doesn't have nice legs, as yours. she's not sexy. and you can write,too. not just as good as her.

and she was right. i am good. i may not be up there, but i've got a lot down here. if that's how i see it. i have tons of friends,real friends. i may not have the face, but i guess my humor and wit are enough to make others to be drawn into me. i'm trying to make a story. not so good, but i'm happy im able to materialize them.

i never actually believed in myself. i didn't know why. i just always felt like i have to give something more. and maybe just like what my colorgenics said, i'm capable of more things that i think i can.

hmmm. i just hope someone or something could trigger for that to come out.
cause i really can't wait on who i'm going to be.

:)ayeenatienza

Saturday, December 6, 2008

realization.

sometimes if you just believe in yourself. even the opinions of the ones you love.

won't matter.

:)

sorrow lasts through this night.

we were there jumping and rolling from laughter. when suddenly, the turn of events had changed that and left us all crying and silent.

the best part of it was that we're all together.
even in sorrow

:)ayeenatienza

Friday, September 19, 2008

I CAN'T F-IN HANDLE THIS

I AM SO SCREWED IF YOU ONLY KNOW!
AND I CAN'T HANDLE ANOTHER DRAMA.
DAMN.
I CAN'T HELP IT ANYMORE.
THIS IS TAKING ALL OF ME!
AND IT'S SUFFOCATING.

IT MAKES ME DIE.
LITTLE BY LITTLE.

Friday, September 12, 2008

100th

ooh, it's my one hundredth entry here! and i don't know what to talk about in here. i'm thinking school,blogging, friends,cousing,or BOYS. haha!

i'm a bit tired.not because of school and not because of doing som much things (if i have done anything) haha!

i'm tired of certain situation that keeps on happening over and over again. no matter how we pray for it to be fixed, it just can't and i really have no idea why. it's been a long time and the damage has been already huge. that at this point in time, i really don't know if we could still fix it, and if ever we were able to fix it, i don't think things will go back to way they were. it's just frustrating. seeing things back then, and seeing it now. they were just different. i felt like moving into a new dimension but i know i can't just leave the other one behind. but it's hurting. and it's not just me.

and i'm wondering if the others are hurting too.
i really hope they were.

anyhow,two days of school have passed. and i was so drenched in the rain on the first day. and only few professors show up! but it's not as tiring as last term's. :)

my one hundredth entry sucks!
damn.

Friday, July 25, 2008

a new day has come...

when frustration strikes at one time. i felt depressed. and i can't even manage to smile.
i say i think. but actually, i wasn't in the mood for talking.
a part of me wanted to go home, a part didn't.

i waited. i waited for someone to make me smile.giddy.and happy.

i stared the endless sight.

and then, there was a glimpse of you.

i smiled.

and the bliss started.

i thank God you came.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

emotionally disturbed

so i am in school today. and i feel something going on inside of me.
i received a text from mom which says, "may class ka ba ngayon, pwede ba kitang tawagan?" and as usual, i've read it late. and i started wondering what i did wrong this time. i fear that maybe she has read the latest entry in my diary. or she found out that i didn't make it enough on my last calculus exam. i wondered on and on. i started getting nervous and not wanting to go back home. beucase again, i just kept on wondering.

so i guess that's it.

i don't want to take things granted. but i just give in with the people around me.

it sucks.

:( ayeenatienza

i wish i could see him.

Monday, July 21, 2008

here...

i've been thinking.

i wanted to get rid of someone's thoughts in my head so much that i think..

i think..

i am forcing myself to like someone.

who's going to give the same experience i had with the one i was trying so hard to forget.

how's that?

pathetic huh?

:)ayeenatienza

one morning of frustration

i attended angel's debut last night. but i wasn't tired. probably because i was happy last night. too happy. and i don't know why. :)

so i came to my three- hour class late. fifteen minutes late. but that's not important anyway.

because i can't even solve this ONE ARRAY PROBLEM. none of us could. some has already started but all i can write was main, then print and everything in between. i am so frustrated. i kind of promised myself that i would do better. so i could still stay at la salle for the rest of the years. but this is just a disaster. i don't even know a thing. i've googled a lot of things. and still i got nothing.
this computer wont read my USB where angelica's lecture notes on C++ are. IT SUCKS. :)

so one hour left and i still could not figure out on how to establish this problem.
i don't even know how to start.

sad :(

PS: i just remembered this question in my head back then. it goes something like this.
if you want to change, where do you actually begin?

Saturday, July 5, 2008

i've become a JLC and BEA fan. :)

it's like this. i saw the trailer of i love betty la fea in abscbn one night. all the characters were shown except for one -- Armando.
so i searched "i love betty" over the internet, youtube to be exact. instead, i found
"kay tagal kang hinintay" series and i just started watching where bea and john lloyd began. it was so dramatic! the lines were heavy. i love how yuri(JLC) flirts with kat(bea) at first. haha! i love love love love them now! i love them back then, but now i am quite addicted to it.

i want to buy "one more chance" dvd because i did not have the chance to watch it before. and i want close to you dvd too cause i can't remember the story. all i know is,it is about best friends. :) hahaha!! man, i am really addicted. :)

Saturday, June 7, 2008

wuzun and ella :)

WARNING: no angela zhang fan allowed. :)

so this is just plainly opinion on the things that i have read at this one forum.

okay. i've read that wu zun will be coming here in the philippines to promote ROMANTIC PRINCESS. it hurts you know. cause i believe that there are more ella and zun fans that angelun. ssoooo.. i hope that abscbn should just let fahrenheit and s.h.e. to come here in the country and if ever zun will be promoting RP here in the country.. i just hope that he will come ALONE! ir with ella.

i've also read that abscbn used hanakimi to promote RP. that just sucks.

i watched romantic princess yesterday because im forcing myself to like any drama kung nasaan si wu zun. but boy.. trailer pa lang hindi ko na natiis and i was just about to shut the damn television. pero siempre.. i still watched and that episode was just unbelievable. KALANDIAN!! haha! especially on the side of the lead actress. because you just don't tell a guy to lend his shoulder then cry like a crybaby!!! darn.

and now it soothes me because im not the only one who feels the same way. i feel at home at CE forums. i love it in there and it really makes me feel good. it erases the irritation in my mood!!

haha. but as the people there say.

LOVE THE DRAMA. NOT THE LOVETEAM.

haha!

wu zun hearts ella chen :)

gosh, they look so good together. sparks is just everywhere. and when zun smiles... his smile is different with ella.

unlike in RP.

i hope there's HANA KIMI 2 because i really want to finish the story!!!

:) ayeenatienza

Friday, May 2, 2008

i don't know what's right anymore.

it's sad.
i used to be hard on my self. back when i was good. i was stable.

i think the reason i am a trainwreck now is that i've loosen myself a bit.

and it sucks.

so i guess i deserve all the punishment.

sad.

i'm pretty pathetic

it's pretty hard to accept some things in life.
i mean, there have been times when i thought i've already move on and i was ready to be all broken again. but when fate just keeps on testing you. it's pathetic to know that somehow i really feel something for that person.

it's pretty pathetic that i still chose to be broken all over again. on how i chose to go thru the same things all over again. hmmmmm....

i know he loves her. i see it. i feel it.
it's pretty pathetic that i still hope that somehow....

...a door would still be open for me.

and now. with a different person, i still hope for the same thing.

should i give up?

or should i fight for it this time.

ang labo ko talaga mag-blog. :(

Sunday, April 20, 2008

gossip girls :)

haha! :)
i was just texting angelica a while ago.i asked her something about the prom when we were seniors.then i told her that i had this prophecy and she told me that she has one too. she told first her prophecy and man... we really think a like. so we both notice the attraction between these two people. haha!!

sabi nga ni ange na kami day ay talagang pareho magisip pagdating sa tsismis.
i take that positively. haha! it's really funny because i thought the guy likes someone else.

and to quote angelica,

"bestfriends" daw sila.

haha! :)

good thing they don't visit this page often. :)

Friday, April 18, 2008

i'm addicted.

before anything else. typo on the previous entry.
"no matter what lies ahead,let me know THAT i'm with you,LORD."

hmmm.lost my typing skills.

anyway.i'm nostalgic about how the way i write for they past years. i'm such a happy person back then. so another happiness came into my life lately. and they are, ella, wu zun and jiro wang. :) HANA KIMI (taiwanese version). such a funny story. and though i did not feel the love love thing. it was fun watching them. specially someone like WU ZUN, who's such a nice sight to look at. HOT HOT! :) haha!

i love them. i see amanda bynes in ella on some episodes. haha! i love the song too. zen me ban and the other one. i don't know the title. it has good lyrics in it.

SPOILER.
the story goes like this. rui xi (ella) is in america and see quan (wu zun) in television. she decides to to taiwan and study... in an ALL BOY'S school. she shares a room with quan. and there it goes.
haha.

idle again. haha.. i love some episodes. :) kakakilig. :)

quan: what's the matter?
rui xi: i was just thinking that if i was a girl i think i should...
quan:don't ever think about falling in love with me, okay?
rui xi: of course i won't fall in love with you. i'm a guy.

hmm.. but they love each other from that moment already. :)

haha!! i really love them!! i know im starting to blab things again. urgh!!
so i borrowed jang's dvd. there's a behind the scene special in their MV, zen me ban.

zun: do i have to kiss you today?
ella: yes.
zun: urgh.
ella: (hits zun) what are you urgh-ing about? don't you know that a lot of people wants to kiss me but don't have the opportunity?

haha! and she keeps hitting zun. :)

i've lost my patience

i've lost my patience on a lot of things.
like using the computer. sms-ing my friends. and waiting things to just download. sometimes i just stopped living my life cause i've already gone tired waiting.
waiting for his hand to pull me up again. waiting for his grace to fall upon me. waiting for his mercy i was hoping he'll give me.

and i think he's telling me that i should wait a little further...

..a litlle further for HIS time.

and so no mantter how torturuos this year goes. i just keep on saying to myself and to him that..

"no matter what lies ahead, let me know what i'm with you, LORD."

i'm trying to revive my faith.
faith that has been scratched by trials and challenges.

and i hope he sees. that everything i do now.

will be worth it.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

they're so in love...


awww..it's really sweet.
i used to think that she's someone you could mess with because she maybe bitchy and useless. but when i finally got to read some of her thoughts and know some things about her... she's amazing. no wonder mr.elevator guy loves her so much.

it's like this. i gave up watching graduation and watched cbe's dance performance instead. i found him in the 7th floor which packed with people. as his girl and her partner started to walk towards the place where i used to be, he also started walking. he stayed in front of the girl and started taping her whole performance. and all i can say to myself i s that he really loves her. he really does. awwwww...

then i started thinking of letting go. hmmm..

then i think she does not deserve him. (o hindi). but then when i finally found her page. i saw on how much she loves him. and vice versa. awwww...

8 months.

at first i wanted to say that i could sing the song..

"..i waited 8 long months she finally set him free, i told him i couldn't lie, he was the only one for me."

pero give up. i mean crush ko lang yun guy. hindi ko naman siya aagawin ot something. haha!!

he makes me smile.

and it actually feels so good to smile these days.

:)

ciao :)

Saturday, March 22, 2008

errrrrr...

"errr."
i think i am really going insane.
cause i think i like this guy that's not worth liking.
haha! mannn..

you i think i am attracted to guys with issues maybe because i am covered with issues. yeah. i think.
sad. i've let my emotions run my life for the past year and i really have not done something good. and it sucks.
i kind of miss the old me. when i complain about my mediocre works. or when i am not able to follow certain skeds.
i get really really really pissed off.
man, now it's so different.

there are just some times when i just don't care at all.

and it sucks.

cause i really do want to care.

scratch that.

i really do NEED to care.

damn, my future worries me so much.

i think i should follow my friend's advice.

"studies muna bago boys."

haha! right. there's so plenty of time to swim in the ocean of boys..

errrrr...

i never wanted to be like this.

being a flirt and everything.

but i mean come on. i am NOT a flirt. :)

trust me.

oh please.

so i think my motto starting from now should be

"ALL WORK AND NO PLAY."

but i worry that i might miss a lot of things that are out there.

and that sucks.

missing a special event in your life.

growing up huh....

:)

now i'm wondering

studying and la salle has made me realized a lot of things. has let me study and observe different people. it's funny how people seem to have some problems when it seems that they have everything. and no wonder why some people seem to be uber successful... because they have everything.

i have this two people in my world.

person 1: she is perfect. she has everything you will be wanting in a girl. she no problems with her family members. she's rich. no wonder she's been doing so good in school.

person 2: she's rich. it's given. her parents seem to love her. she's got the loving boyfriend. it looks like she gets what she wants. so i wonder why is she trying to get rid of her life when she's living a life of a princess.

i am person 3. i have encountered a lot of problems for the past years. and i mean A LOT.
i lost a lot of things. one by one. and i really fear that something may not be left with me. MONEY is my top problem. i now believe that poverty is the cause of all problems. often, i think that i may not be a person of mediocrity if i had everything i wanted. i used to live like a princess too. getting everything i want. i used to have good relationship with my folks. but now it's just so sad cause it's gone. i feel so ALONE. being left with nothing.

so now i'm really wondering. why would person two wants to get rid of her life? when she got what person 1 and person3 wants. and it's his love.

:)

Friday, March 14, 2008

i think im insane

this is because of one thing.

i passed by two people.

one past.

one future.

and it's funny because i think past is still present.

and then when i passed by them...

past greeted me.

and i was not feeling happy at all...

i looked at future.

man, im insane.

i think i like future.

but i love past.

or so i thought.

haha!!

the bad thing.

past and future are friends.

and.

i now look for future.

instead of past.

this is so surreal.

ugh! :)

i'm unbelievable.

i mean. how could i? how could i like a person like that. uhm. unbelievable. 8 months of knowing him and then in just a simple game i start to like this person. he's no disturbed or something but liking him is such a complicated thing to do.

he's just surrounded with complication.

kasi naman. the last guy i liked is "kalandian ng bayan."
eh i don't want someone like that.

asteeg din naman pag medyo snob and when he gives you a smile.

all you would say is...
it's worth it.

i mean he has nice smile yata.

just like the past.

or so i thought. :)

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

let me believe in fortune telling...

there's just something i realize these past few hours. maybe i should believe in fortune telling. cause maybe fortune telling would help me move on and forget the dark ages.

i once attended this birthday gathering. the celebrant's cousin knows how to sort of tell fortune. well i know that she's not professional but somehow there is truth in what she's saying. so i had my fortune be told thru cards. so this is what she said...

"close kayo nito noh? close kayo but there's no exchange of hearts..."

sad.haha! i was expecting sort of. "exchange of hearts kaso my girl na nakaharang."
haha! but it wasn't my fortune.haha!!

i just remembered it now. i mean i totally forgot about that. and being with the guy for another 2 hours for the week, i felt that he really felt nothing for me. even if reading my journal reminds me on how frustrated i am about him. i guess he really felt nothing for me. maybe for someone else. haaayyy... sad. again. he really loves someone very much.i used to think that i stood a chance on him. but i actually don't. for him.. i'm just a classmate that he could mess with. "asaran" with but never the friend he could share his feelings with. hmmmm...

so i am saying that i think i should remember the fortune that was told upon me. cause maybe believing in that helps me move on. forget about him. and.... save myself from frustration or anything.

i am totally rambling right now. so i really don't know what i'm saying...

i'll stop..
making songs
writing poems


for a person...

who really never...

cared.

so i guess that's it. the frustration i've been keeping for the past hours.
and it feels so good to let it out to the world.

:)

ciao. :)
"I’ve gone too far to come back from here
But you don’t have a clue
You don’t know what you do to me
Won’t someone stop this song?
So I won’t sing along
Someone stop this song
So I won’t sing"
-stop this song*paramore

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

maybe i just can't get enough of this...

guess what? frustrated again huh? yes. again.
i mean how could all the bad things come at one time? like this moment.
i've been happy for the past few days. yes, days after my birthday maybe. i aced an exam. been able to talk to someone....a bit special. and i guess i was not able to prolong the happiness. i've been inspired. going to school, doing assignments. but i guess at the end of the day when i arrive home... i'm still sad and in despair. maybe. it's just so sad around there.

i need happiness. i used to think that frustration would make me craving for more. achieving more. but the more i get sad... the more i do nothing. nothing but crap.

or maybe i just need this one person. he made me sad. and he also made me happy. being around him and being able to be around him just makes me smile. just gives me a reason to smile. but now. he's gone. not really gone gone. i mean he vanished from my life. we seldom see each other. we don't talk anymore. for a reason i don't know. he forgot something that is really important to me. (sa bagay ano nga naman ang pake niya..)haaaayyyy...
i can't believe. if he feels so far away now.. paano na kaya next year?? maybe i won't totally see him. that's sad. thinking about it really makes me sad.

and if it's probable for him to read this... well. i don't care anymore. if the reason why you stepped out of my life is this. the so be it.

labo ko na naman.
depressed na naman kasi eh.
one text from someone else would be enough siguro. :)

ciao :)

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

i've got a lot to say to you.

a lot of things really make me insane and anxious these past few days. the highlight of my week would probably when some people made me insane because of thinking!!

i really hated it when he asked me a question. and the question does not concerns him anyway. i mean if i answered his question with a yes or a no.... he'd still do the same thing he planned a few weeks earlier maybe. and sad cause i think people lied to me about some special things. did you know that i did not even had the mind to study for my ANSOGEO quiz? good thing GOd has mercy and our test was moved to MONDAY. thank HIM really. and i hope that the people who keeps on turning me around would have the conscience for all those things that they are telling me. cause i really dont care if what lies ahead is better. i've been DISTURBED. making me insane right now. and BAD.

mehn, seriously. i'm near hell. hmmmm...


damn the people who make me think so much..

specially himm...

:)

Monday, January 21, 2008

my trip to beda...again

i went to beda again to watch the annual batch cheering competition. i said to myself that i would go there early because i want to start to program because MC might sing again! :) haha. but as usual plans go, i failed. i arrived there at 1030 am when i am supposed to be there before 10. sad again.
anyway, the juniors won!sad for the seniors right? but i guess the juniors really deserved it. and the freshmen deserved it too. haha!
i was shocked because *geegee* was there in the seniors squad making his stunts. and mehn!! it was awesome.
then i watched the battle of the bands, still not seeing MC, i just waited until wenobo played. and they won too. zayc is so happy! i was making her jealous because i was able to watch the battle. seeing those pinkiesmilies going down the drain! haha!!

and still i'm sad because i was not able to see MC. my dear MC <3>

and i miss his VOICE! damn damn damn! hahahaaa

wel nothing interesting happened in my trip there because i was not with my lovable and adorable friends..JAHGONAL! if zayc, anna and the gang were there, we would have shouted on the top of our lungs... kasi naman! i was so alone. haha!! i was not able to express my deepest feelings with the festivities. :)
by the way. my birthday's next week.
i am expecting some gift from someone else. and i would really really really really be HAPPY.trust me. haha! but i think it would be impossible because he told right in front of my face that he would not give me anything. and that's enough to believe him. :)

okay.totally going away from the topic. so that's it.

i just miss MC.

"just so you know these feelings takin control of me..."

again.damn. :)

staying here...

i am currently with jang checking all the courses that we are about to enroll for the LEAP. so we are choosing between guitar101,fashion101 and other 101. i think. we're totally bored. we're waiting for michie and ydette and jin and they are here!! as in now. 520 pm.

hmmm..
well i'm a bit obsessed with some of the people around me who are freaking.. KAPAL NG MUKHA! hahaha!!

kasi i like this guy who i think likes my friend. (yeah,i think it's the third time).yes i did the math. so i think BKK's life is still better than mine. kasi ba naman the current person who fell in love with her just composed a song for her.. and it's really awwwww....

but me. i just keep on composing songs for someone else. my feelings telling him on how hard i try to reach out for him. to understand his actions. to know his feelings on things. sad isn't it? when you try everything for that one person to notice you but all that he sees is the person beside him. who made him nothing but crap. :) haha!

HOUSELIFE.
home, as other calls it. atmosphere at home is sadder than the past. haaay! sometimes i just wanted to chase my dreams so that i be far from home.living independently. ironic huh? i guess that's how things in this world go.ironic.
on how we sacrifice things for the one person just to see his smile.but he does not even care about you.on how constant change turn your whole world up side down in just a snap.

honestly.i have not moved on from everything that had happened in my life. two years right? so hard to move on. hard on not thinking what my previous life has offered.

well i still can't decide on things.
why does it need to have so many choices.

no wonder i don't know what i want in life.

just like these courses i am choosing.
maybe i should just take writing 101. :)

for better blogging. kasi alam kong di coherent nung mga ideas. :)

Monday, January 14, 2008

frustrations. near its climax. i think.

lea gave me a gift! thanks lea. and so i will stuff my frustrations there.
so. i was crying while writing all my "sama ng loob." to all the things that i could not reach. for all the people who touched my life and then walked away.for those people who were able to chase their dreams. and for the people who were lucky enough to be with the people i dream to be with. :)
well i wish i were typing in my own computer but i am somewhere in manila because sharing my thoughts with the public isn't an "academic" thing. so it's not allowed at home.
hmmmm.. i've been sighing a lot lately. a sign that i am tired of what's happening with my life. if something's happening.
i really have nothing else to say but "frustrated."
maaannnn...
i just can't move on...
sad isn't it.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

tagal.

so i was not posting here for so long but i suddenly missed it.
men, a lot of things had happened in my life. some are good but a lot are bad.
i continuously struggle between the good and the bad. i'm lost and i'm trying to find my way back.

i'm crying out for help.
i'm outstretching my hand.
help me.
save me.
drag me to the bright side.

soooo...
on my multiply blog. i was thinking on getting some nicotine to get through college but i just can't. cause i think that's not me. but there's this thing that i have done that i never imagined myself doing.
man. seriously.

so this is not just about school. my problems deepened and men.

i am so flattered to be depressed.

i guess..
SIX LINES on my skin.
not bad for one week.
:)

so i like the way i used to write my past entries. i think that was awesome,
i think.
so i miss writing like that .
it was more positive than the way i write my life right now.

sooo...
this is just the start of new blogging.
i think i missed a year of not blogging here.
i think.


soooo
i hope it's the start of something new. :)