Saturday, January 31, 2009


isn't it wonderful when you just let everything out to the person involved? i used to be scared and confused on telling. but when the person was there to ask me, i had several thoughts. to lie, laugh it off and pretend it was a joke. but i chose to admit. i was caught off guard anyway. i also thought that if that person would know and if that would snob me after that, it would be alright. it must be God's way of answering some prayers.
but it was weird. the person was a bit relaxed about it--i think. so after several hours i had a realization slash paranoia that maybe he is just being kind. and i don't want to take advantage of that kindness. i feel like that i might have been pushing myself to that person. maybe he needs some space and the person may not be that comfortable about it anymore. so if that's what he wants. im giving it. im giving it...
so here i am again trying to live another day planless.
btw, i woke up last night crying. darn it. i don't freaking know why and all i can remember is this weird feeling of realizing that if a person is going away.... if that person is going away..

oh, i don't even want to think about it.


It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

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