Friday, May 28, 2010


Have you ever closed your heart to the world because someone got it so down that it couldn't handle the gravity of what it feels anymore?
Then one day you just decide that it's time for it to be opened again? You are giving it another chance to wake up every morning hoping it could meet a new face that could make it alive again.

Out of the blue I just convinced myself that I was over it-- over with the frustration of not having him. I was so convinced that I was content with what we have. I thought I was happy just sitting beside him. A night changed all that. I was sitting beside him (yes!) as he roll down the window to see the full moon casts its light into a beautiful establishment that almost looked like a castle. It was a nice view. What I didn't know is that there is so much better view than the moon, so I took a risk, I gazed upon him. He was so awed with the moon like every single person I am with at that time. I forced my eyes to look down and realized that I am totally not over this person. How much of a suckfest is that? What makes it more complicated than ever is that... I have a complicated with him and with her. It's just impossible and hopeless. He is so in love with her. So without further analysis, I just convinced myself again that I'll be over it.

And I am going into the day again with a convinced mind that whatever emotions I have for a certain creature does not exist. A night changed that again. A night of call. A call that only an impulsive me would do.

I looked down again as I grip tighter to what I'm holding. Are you kidding me? Am I really going to go through this all over again. Should I convince myself again that I do not have anything for this person? Could I ever really be over it?

What if this time is different? He's free. Free of the complication that seem to encircle us back then. Could he see me? Would he even realize that I'm the only one who would be willing to be there for him right now? Or would I just be going back to convincing myself again?

Convince myself that I'm not asking for anything more. I'm here because of you and whatever it is inside your freaking head. I could convince myself again that I'm over it. That I could get over it. I could do that if it's the only way to stay sane and get into your head. I could convince myself that even if you're free, it's still impossible for you to see.

I could convince myself of many things but the only problem is,even if several years pass I'll be coming back right back to your memory.

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