Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Damn, Regret.

As much as I want to appear strong and answer the question "What are your regrets in life" with a nothing, I would come clean.

I haven't lived my life to the fullest because I've always chosen to be on the sidewalk, where it is very much safe from trouble. I've been a safe player, or you can even consider that as not playing at all. I dislike risks. I don't go out of the house without even knowing how to get back. I don't take chances without checking out if the favors are with me. I know that there are a lot of things that I wish I did. It may be hard to believe but these aren't the things that bother me at night.

Whenever I ask myself some nights about the thing that I regret the most, I turn on my bed and hold the rosary that has always been beside my pillow.

I was little. I can't even remember what age I was but I remember that I can't reach the top of the pew in the Church. I was nearly four when I woke up to the day that changed my life. I still remember it clearly in my head. I was sitting on the high chair my father had made. We were eating breakfast when my parents suddenly noticed that something is different with my face. And I guess the rest is history.

I grew up with a religious culture. I was enrolled in a private school that are headed by Reverends and priests. Whenever I would go to church, I would always pray to be healed. My mom would always tell me at night that Jesus will do some miracle, that eventually, things will fall on how it used to be. I prayed. Every night I will pray and every morning I would expect to see a different face in the mirror. Sadly, it didn't change.Days, months and even years has passed.

And then there goes my regret. I stopped praying. When I hit the age of ten, I've stopped praying for a miracle. I've stopped expecting a new face in the mirror. That's when I've stopped believing that things will change. I've stopped believing in this thing they call miracle.

I've been through a rough patch in years and I would say that if it weren't for those hard times, I won't know Joel Osteen's book. I know that I've said this a lot but his books really did save my life. And this sickness may have taken some things from me but now I do know that God will restore things for me.

So I know it may take some years again to wait for that miracle but this time I have learned. Prayers work. It may not be in time where you thought you needed the most but it will work in His perfect timing.

So if I could advise one thing, don't stop praying. God hears you. He's listening. He's not moving away from you. And he can never disown his own child. You are His child. Always remember that.

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