Down this pit

I am not well.
I feel bad.
I'm pissed.

It's such a shame that I have no one to tell those words.

What a life I live.

It's Friday, It's Friday.

I'm sitting on the same chair. Or not. I'm in front of the same monitor, probably typing on the same keyboard and clicking on the same mouse. I am here, pretending to be knowledgeable of things when in reality, I don't have a single clue on what I'm supposed to do. Thank god the deadline has been moved. I am alone when I'm supposed to be joined by two other brains, but no, I am alone and I cannot draw a single idea from my head. Anyway, we are closer to the end. Finals are fast approaching that I barely felt it passing. I mean, look, we are past half of August and three more weeks til the finals.

The saying that time does fly seems to be an understatement already. It's starting to be faster than speed of light.

So what should I put in this progress report? I've researched stuff but everything that I had known from this course is mixed up in my head. Hell, I even dream about it. Soooo...

It's just another Friday here on this chair.

Zero Crossing

I am back on writing my frustrations here. Anyway, unlike the other laboratory experiments, I am writing this before my codes has  been checked. I'd like to believe that there is hope, even just a spark of light at the end of the tunnel. I can do this! Trusting so much in the Lord. See how this makes me so faithful? Hahaha! I just need to know how many times this signal crosses zero.

laaaaaaaaaaaa.

PAPEMELROTI LOVE.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve been in this store. It is just lovely in there like I can be in there whole day just looking around the papers. I know that this room is already full of papers but I just couldn’t resist Papemelroti’s brilliant designs.

 I bought these three note pads. The one on the leftmost is a full pad, I think it has more pages while the other two is only considered as half pad. There are so many good designs. I honestly wanted to buy them all but I know I wouldn't use all of them so I just decided to settle with three. They a

Php 16.00

This is the first one I've picked. I picked it because it's witty... well, in my opinion. It's not your typical writing pad because it has words as its design. So here are the stuff written.

Today: I am a (only choose one)
( ) wilted rose
( ) speeding freight train
( ) fluffy cloud
( ) bubbling brook

*then your space for writing*

At the bottom,
explain why
.................................................

 

Php 14.00

This is the second one I've picked. I got it because it's very positive. I mean if I were feeling down and I needed some inspiration, I can look at this and it could give me a little hope. Written at the top are the words,

Look at the  bright side.

I can write my school projects in here. Especially the ones I'm not really good at.

 

Php 14.00

Thank god, I saw this! I think this is very appropriate for me because I really like writing. Not writing in a sense of poetry or story, nothing fabulous. I just gather words I see and turn them in this doodle that people are always weirded out. Hahaha! Anyway, I've got a lot of feelings and some of them can be written here. :))

I wish I can visit this store again! I just love it.

First things first, I'm going to start writing down something.

/ayeenatienza

Different but No Difference

It's a different term. It's a different day. BUT the time is the same. The pace is the same. It's the same frustration. Programming again. I didn't get it again. I can't quite figure it out again. Stayed out last night trying to see if I can actually go around the algorithm, but I wasn't able to. Aside from my brain could not think any further, I just don't think that I can.

Well, anyway, here goes my professor explaining the algorithm.
I wonder what goes around inside 'fft'.

/ayeenatienza

How the Summer Heat Burned my Pocket

It’s summer! And it’s pretty much obvious here in the Philippines because of the tremendous heat. Better load up on water if you don’t want to dehydrate yourself.
Since summer is here, it’s time for short clothes. I am pretty much reinventing myself, trying stuffs I’ve never tried.
So I bought myself board shorts! I love these things. Really. I think it would come really good this summer.
I am very much a loiter in this mall near our office. I go there everyday. I was at SM Hypermarket last Monday and I was able to see these cute boardshorts for the price of 150Php each! It’s 50 pesos cheaper than the ones in Surplus Shop. They just took my heart away. I can even see them in my sleep. So, the next day, using my Sodexo, I decided to buy a couple of boardshorts and buy a pair of shoes.
Plans were suddenly messed up because my friend kept throwing me all these cute designs and I can literally cry there. It’s so hard to be poor. :(
Anyway, I ended up buying these. :)

Product Test: Eskinol

Since I am pretty much frustrated with all these pimple marks,I've been trying several products lately. I do believe that Pond's is not doing the job anymore. Anyway. I bought these. These are local products from the Philippines. I used to think that they are really strong for the skin and because of it's cheap price, I've come to believe that they are ineffective. But I guess they are really not. 

 ESKINOL Pimple Fighting Facial Scrub and Eskinol Spot-less White Facial Deep Cleanser.

The sachet is just for P5.00. At first I really thought it was effective. I think I used it for a week but then a pimple started showing up. I know it's kind of shallow of me to judge the product based on that pimple showing. It's not that bad though. It was able to dry up my pimple that was on my nose last week.

I keep reading stuff about Calamansi and I think this product is a bit effective. It was able to let the pimple marks on my face fade. Or maybe it's just in my head. But I do like this product, I really felt like my face is clean after using this. I do apply this on my elbows,too. I can't quite put my full two cents in since I just started using the product but I'll eventually get good results. I'd still buy this next time.

WEDNESDAY AGAIN.

Let me take this little time from my Laboratory Experiment 8 to pour my thoughts out.

Well, there's nothing inside my head so there practically nothing that can come out of it. No algorithms for this experiment. No codes. I don't even know how to do it considering on how late I was last lecture meeting.

He said this is going to be easy. Well, anything's easy for someone who has a doctorate or this massive knowledge in Matlab.

I just wish my brains can squeeze something out because I'd like to believe that there is still something in here. I just need to push myself  to do this. I can do this.

So there. That's like a couple of minutes typing rather than just staring at the monitor. My classmates probably think that I have been typing loads of codes when really, they are just thoughts.

Til the next laboratory failure.

/ayeenatienza

No designated title :)

3PM -- In the library

"It stings a little for me,too."

Well, I'm not sure if that was the exact line in Awkward. The thought is. This is what came into my mind first.

I can't even count the times I've convinced myself that I am so over it.
So over it.

But I'm not.  I am so not.

There is still this pang of jealousy and betrayal all in one. Stroke right through my heart... or my hypothalamus. It just hit me straight again. After all these years.

It felt like it's still the same kind of pain. The kind of pain that didn't change throughout the years.

The kind of pain that made me a fool thinking that I have this chance on you. When obviously, I don't.

I fucking don't.

#SoMuchForBeingANetizen

SLAP YO FACE.

I don't know if my cheek can still handle all the slapping reality does to me lately.
Where on Earth is my life going? Nowhere. Nowhere in particular.

It's been a lazy week. (Past three days to be certain.). There was nothing productive in my life. AT ALL.

Sometimes I feel the guilt but most of the time I just accept that this is my destiny. It's my destiny to swim in the ocean of mediocrity.

Yes.

I feel like I've been struggling against th tides for a long time that I am very much willing to taken away by the current now. Let's go with the tides.

See. I really don't know what I'm saying right now. Part of my brain is still asleep and still picturing myself deep in slumber on my cozy bed. This is the only site that is not banned by this computer so I am very much ranting in here.

So, what I really wanted to tell you is that I didn't get today's experiment again. I was able to get the values BUT my stupidity got in the way and when my work is about to be checked.... it had an error. (Yes, programming is what I'm describing) So, I'm not quite sure if I had a grade or not. Either way, I don't feel bad.

Because a part of me is thinking that I've done the best I can.

Not.

I'm numb by too much slapping.

#WednesdayTroubles

Essentials :)

For some weird reason, I just decided to post this one. Hahaha! So much for blogging. These are the things I bring to school everyday. They are my essentials since school is far from home. And this is me being a girl :)

1.COMPACT MIRROR—Jin’s gift for me some Christmas ago. It comes in handy when I have to check if I have anything on my lips right after I eat.

2.SAFETY PINS – Because you’ll never know when your zipper or buttons will betray you.

3.HAIR CLIPS – I have this constant battle with my hair… specially my bangs. So, I just gather my bangs with a clip when I’m not feeling the lugay day.

4.SCRUNCHIE – Again, the constant bad hair days are just pushing me to gather my hair some more. I also use this when I have to study at the library and I don’t need my hair to distract me from time to time.

5.SANITARY NAPKIN – Most of the time, my friends are the ones who get to use this during emergencies.

6.LULLABY  SKIN CARE WIPES – I often use this when I have to eat inside the FX and I don’t want to get my hands all dirty after. I get to use this too when I have to clean my shoes.

7.JOY POP-UP TISSUE – Because I’m a girl.

8.SAFEGUARD PURE WHITE BODY WASH – I usually have to deal with lead when I need to solder circuits. I need to wash my hands from time to time since I usually eat after school. I love this because it reminds me on how badly I want to take a shower right at any moment. It’s about its scent.

9.JOHNSON’S BABY POWDER – I sometimes have an oily face. No, actually I just got jealous of a friend who uses loose powder for her face. This type suits me better because it doesn’t come too white for my face.

10.LEWIS & PEARL  SWEET PARIS – I just wear cologne in school because I’m partly cheap. I got this scent right after I saw Jasmine Curtis’ advertisement on television. Yes, advertisements are that powerful.

11.NIVEA FRUITY SHINE (STRAWBERRY) – I have been loyal to this product for years! Out of the lip balms I have tried, I think nothing have compared to the service Nivea gives me. It gives the right amount of shine for long hours. It doesn’t sit awkwardly on my lips, too. It gives a hint of red not too dark for a sunny day.

12. SANSAN GLOSSY LIPS – A gift from my aunt. I like the shade because it’s light and not too dark. It smells like car-freshener. I like this because it doesn’t give so much gloss. At least not the one that looks awkward on my lips.

13.HAIR CLAMP – When I’m too lazy to even check myself out on the mirror, I just gather my hair with this.

14.SANSAN HYDRATING COLOR DEW – It’s a lipstick. I swipe it on my lips when I feel like a girl. Mostly when I’m in a good mood. It just gives the right amount of pink for the day.

15.BANDAID ISOPROPYL ALCOHOL – I use alcohol before and after I eat. I had this habit when there was a case of H1N1 at DLSU.

Pencil Case, oh Pencil Case

 1.CRYSTAL WATER BASE PEN 0.4 in Green, Purple, Sky Blue, Pink and Brown
2.LOTUS, Clickster Stik 0.8mm in Black
3.LOTUS, Bright, 0.6mm in Lilac, Lime, Charcoal and Cherry
4.Pink with blue lines stick note
5.Undo Pocket Corrector
6.FABER CASTELL Polymer Fine Lead 0.7,2B
7.Binder Clip
8.DONG-A JET Stick in Orange, Green and Yellow
9.ZEBRA New Hard in Red
10.M&G Co-Open 0.7mm in Black
11.PILOT FINE in Black and Blue
12.FABER CASTELL Mechanical Pencil, 0.7mm
13.ORIONS 6” ruler
14.TRANSCEND 2GB USB
15.SCRIPTI Stick Note
16.PENTEL Eraser

'Tis the season to be wishing...

Christmas season is almost here. The air almost brings you closer to it.
I don't know if it's tradition or the frustration that makes me write what I want every Christmas.
So before October ends, here are the things I want for Christmas. I will save for these things. :)

1. Earpods. 

Well, I could settle to any Apple earphones but this is the latest craze. I need new earphones to replace my old ones. The two year old ones. I don't know if I'm starting to be deaf but I'd like to think that my earphones aren't working at its best anymore.

2. Ear pierce.

I don't know how many times I've had my ears pierced but everytime I do, I just let it close. Thus, I want to have my ears pierced again because earrings are one of the basic accessories today. And I have this feeling that it brings out a good angle of my face. Yeah, I don't even know if what I  said make any sense.

3. Red Lipstick

Since I am turning twenty three next year, I do want to finally explore and out myself on being a girly girl because I know that I am. I love everything about this picture. I think it's time to rock and invest on good make up. Specially on red lipstick that goes to anything about anytime. PS:I love her blue nails.

4. Knit Jeans

Or jeggings. I think that's how they call it. I think skinny jeans are out and knit jeans are the perfect thing to wear to bring out the figure of your legs. Not that my legs have a great figure. Anyway, knit jeans are perfect in any loose top since that's what I love to wear. And, I think it's easy to pair with flats, sneakers or heels.

And thus, the saving begins.

And that abs will always be on my list.

#SoMuchForWishing

When you try your best but you don't succeed.

This is the line for the day.
Two songs of Coldplay are stuck in my head.
This line shouts louder than the other.
And I feel like I am stuck in reverse right now.
A little words for you younger Ayeen,
Don't let the failure of short term goals get in the way of the long term goals.

Let's just say that this day is about to be brighter. Hopefully. Fingers tied tightly.

I miss watching series.

#ThingsWeSacrifice.

One. Two. Three.

From my LJ. Haha.

The Lost Skill

To write or not to write?

I guess, that's the question.

I don't know why I'm deciding to put this here. These thoughts could be somewhere else. It could have been on my LJ but something tells me it's supposed to be here.

To write or not to write?

I don't know how many times I've passed up on opportunities that involved writing. There goes a friend's offer of taking writing lessons over the summer. There's this Writer's Guild organization I'd registered for but never really attended a single meeting. There's this school publication qualification exam I turned my back on because I thought there are more important things than writing very very long articles that will probably take so much of my time.

There are also these stupid stories in my head that were never really finished. Some of them just vanished without even reaching a paper. Some of them, I just decide it's not worth continuing anymore.

There goes the thought of writing again. The thought of finally accomplishing something tangible. A book. A book that is somehow related to me.

Then, there goes the asking. To write or not to write?

I just don't know if I'm good enough to finally materializing this idea. A part of my brain is telling me that this will be just one of those things that will turn out to be a total crap.

Do I really have this skill in writing like my friends tell me? Or are they just being friends telling me that I am good enough.

Why am I here for?

Is writing one of them?

Am I suppose to share a part of myself through writing? Could I possible trade numbers for words?

To write or not to write?


That is the question.

Wednesday Trouble

Nothing's left and nothing's right

 Everything seems to be a pain in sight

 Enveloped by darkness not a faint of light

Still trying to believe in something bright.

ayeenatienza

Alexis and Nika

Credits to Owner of the picture.




These two people are honestly strangers to me. I am not a big fan of Philippine films, or films in general.

For some reason, I was wide awake last night even though I had to wake up at four in the morning. After watching a few episodes of a Korean series, I decided to watch local channels. I ended up watching ABSCBN’s Storyline.

I won’t lie. I stopped because Chris Tioseco’s good looks had caught me but Alexis and Nica’s love story is what made me stay.

It still rings in my head. Alexis’ love for films, for the Philippine films. How he followed his heart and did not do business even if his dad wanted him, too. I salute his love for this country, his need to give back to what kept him alive.

I adore the fact that their love has been able to cross continents. How Nica left Slovenia, leave her family, live here in the Philippines and be with Alexis.

And it is tragic how they ended up dead inside their own home.

Chris is right, you don’t get shot inside you’re own home, that’s supposed to be a home.

A place for peace and yet, they were shot.

I still remember the look on Chris’ face. On how he said that the criminals should have just taken everything. Everything else.They should have just left Alexis and Nica alone. They should have just spared their lives.

But they took everything. Everything.

Definitely a love story to remember.

I wish I could find the video and share it to my followers but i can’t find it. Argh

Wayfarers.

Got myself a new pair of sunglasses because my last one got broken when I had a vacation in Ilocos Norte last December. It took me months to replace that one and now can't wait to finally use it for sun protection. :)

We Turn 4 :)

May 24, 2011. JJADM, my dear college circle, just turned 4 yesterday! Happy to be included in this circle. We had differences but they didn't get in the way of our dear friendship.







Taken during Jang's 20th birthday over at Sambokujin. :)

I MISS THEM ALREADY!